So, divorce happened on June 3rd. However there are A LOT of loose ends to tie up - so i still can't really talk much about it still. What really irks me is, i have friends who say, oh, my divorce cost me 10.50 or 50 dollars or 500 dollars. When you have someone who has taken taken taken and taken from you all throughout your marriage, they don't know how to NOT hurt you or try to control you. So this divorce will total out at my costs of 8,500$ if the last ends get tied, timely. My lawyer is very expensive and my ex has made it very hard to just finalize things. I don't understand. However, his parents have been helping him and he makes a hell of a lot more money than I do. I get very upset when I think about the debt I could have paid off (this journey has been very expensive!) with the money that i spent on my lawyer - who just took ANOTHER vacation. Of course he did.
I had to dissolve the little bit of my retirement that I had left from trying to survive last year without any financial help from the ex - save from him FINALLY splitting daycare with me and taking it over when I moved out. So now I have $150 in my retirement. Gotta rebuild.
I am exhausted and I am trying SO HARD to get into calm waters. The seas have been so rough for so long and I am wiped out. I have my son most of the time now. It is hard. He is high energy. Autism parenting is a full time job in addition to my 40 hour a week full time job. My hope is to get us moved into a house soon that I will eventually be able to buy. If I pay it off over 30 years, I will be 66 and my son will be 30. It will be nice to have a place for him to live as an adult. I will have to set up a trust to make sure his utilities stay on and that he has groceries and all that essential stuff. I don't know how high his functioning will be, but he is doing really well now - he speaks very well and can have two or three sentence dialogues now!! I will say, "hey did you eat your chicken" "no i eat apples" "and what about your juice...juice or water?" "I want water."
Not too bad!
He is also mostly potty trained now.
I have been blessed with the ability to work from home now 4 days a week, with the 5th being in the office. 40 hour work week. I would not be able to work any other job - I have to drive G to school every day at a very odd time. i can't do night shift nursing anymore because my son's dad wants very little overnight time if any. He has a serious girlfriend now and he wants to spend his free time with her. He only takes his son minimally. He picks him up from school - lets me finish work - and drops him off LITERALLY the minute I sign off on my computer.
At this point in my life, all i know is that i want a place to live, food on the table enough for G and I and a career that supports me being a single mom to a special needs child. I also need to pay off my student loans, too. I will try to consolidate them with direct loans - they have a forgiveness program for nurses which I want to look into. God knows I have done enough CPR and lifesaving that I qualify. I feel less anxious now since I don't have to call Code Blue on the job anymore. I can pick up some PRN work locally, but like I said, G's dad doesn't take him overnight much now. I can't work more than I already do, even though it would help SO VERY MUCH.
I really am on my own for the most part - yeah i have some friends and some family but my parents really don't help much (because they can't or won't) so my paternal aunt and my friend's mom have been very helpful where they can. but I have no family here in SW OHIO and so it gets pretty lonesome and tiring.
People tell me I will find someone nice one day. No way. I can't think about anything else but the survival of G and I. I have found men to be nothing but a liability or extraordinarily expensive. It's like having a grown son that leeches off of you. Forget it. All the good ones are taken or live too far away.
I took G to his first movie in a theatre on Friday. He did great! It was the Lego Movie. he loved it...especially the spaceship guy! SPACESHIP!!!!! it was a bit intense and he turned around a lot. You know what, though? I LOVE THIS KID. with all my heart. He is my joy and I love spending time with him, even if he makes it hard to keep a clean apartment. His health and happiness are my reward, everyday. Let's do this.
